I'm not as bad off as some people, but I feel like I need to make a change in my life. The past few years I've been dealing with an undiagnosed illness, causing me pain, fatigue, numbness, dizziness, hearing loss, and a degree of other symptoms. I discovered hydrocodone after finding it in the medicine cabinet, and I soon realized it did a pretty damn good job at relieving pain. Eventually because it helped my pain so much, this led me to seek out a pain management doctor, and she put on a pretty hefty dose of pain medicine. I had barely any tolerance to pain medicine, but my doctor prescribed me a Fentanyl Patch 12mcg/hr and Norco to be used with break through pain (up to 4 times a day). Eventually I discovered that it felt pretty damn good to take a "little more" than prescribed. Without me even knowing or thinking much of anything, I began abusing pain medicine on a daily basis.
It's now been two years since I've been on pain medicine, and I've only used it legitimately for 6 months. The other year and a half i've been getting high once a day.
The issue now is that I worry about the longterm side effects of getting high nearly everyday. It can't possible be healthy for your brain, and I don't need anymore problems in my life. I also need to veer away from self-medicating, and I need to find another approach to dealing with stress and emotions.
I really want to talk this out with someone, but I don't know who to turn to. I'm honestly afraid that if I come clean with anyone that I'll be red flagged as a drug addict or drug seeker and that I'll never be able to get medicine that I need (Benzo's, Stimulants, etc) I don't have any desire to get off norco because I do have pain. I just want to quit abusing it or atleast start abusing it less/not depending on it or looking forward to getting high.
If I talked with a therapist, will my pain doctor figure out i'm having issues with abuse and cut off my medication?
Where can I go that'd be anonymous? I definitely need to talk this out with someone....