Piss Test (the old condom trick)

[banasrab]

I know a hand full of buddies that have pulled this one off. I have also heard different tactics and methods used to do so. I personally have never had to pass a drug test, so I'm hoping this will work. That's where you guys come in (hopefully).
So here's the deal:

1. I'm having a buddy piss in a condom for me. *does it matter how long before the test he pisses?

2. My plan is to use masking tape to adhere the condom to my inner thigh, nested under my jewels. I also plan on wearing two pairs of briefs, as I heard this will help keep the temperature realistic. *any other ideas for keeping it the right temperature?

3. I am either going to bring a needle with me in my shoe or just bite the condom open. My main concern is making sure I get it all into the cup. *is there an easy way?

The company I'm applying for is not a big place, it's just a dispatch office for Dish Network.

One more thing, I hate to sound like an asshole, but if you don't have any particular experience in the subject, please don't post advice that could potentially send me in the wrong direction. Thanks so much in advance and I trust my fellow DnBers.

[raghead]

Please, PLEASE, do not bite a condom full of your friends urine open.
That is all I have to say.

[BigKluck]

Please, PLEASE, do not bite a condom full of your friends urine open.
That is all I have to say.

that's all I was thinking when I first read that he was considering it.

But seriously, I'd go with a bottle, maybe an eye dropper, just less chance of spillage?

[CheddaNips]

ya,thats a terrible idea. Try closing up the condom with a rubber band or something that you can take off

[kwee]

I would advise wearing one of those heated pads you put on your lower back, you can wrap it around your leg or something.

[Opfor420]

Hate to point out the obvious - but you're aware of the drug test which you need to pass. How about you just stop smoking for 2 weeks, take the test and pass legit, then smoke yourself retarded after getting rid of some of your tolerance. That's the only fool-proof way of passing the drug test and guarenteeing your job.

[banasrab]

What you say is very true, not to mention extremely obvious.
The thing is, with this job, time is of the essence. They just got rid of people and are looking for more so it's now or never.

I'm kinda surprised to find that I'm the only one that has even had the idea of using this tactic on DnB; especially since I know a plethora of people personally that have used it and succeeded.

[chemajor]

I did this once, word to the wise: hide a small safety pen under your tounge to poke it with. Also if you could tape a small hand warmer ( you know the one where you rub it and it gets warm) alongside the condom so that the condom lies between your body and the packet.

Good Luck

[Falc]

Okay. As far as your first question:

I would say have him do it as soon as possible. Like, before you go to piss, stop by his house and get it. Just saying, don't risk blowing something like this just because of getting it too early. I'm not sure if it would make a difference, I don't know exactly what they test for.

And when ever I went to clinics/offices for pre-employment testing, they just told me to empty my pockets and never patted me down.

Just stick a saftey pin in the top of your pants, near the belt loops. They will never see it.

[Loner13]

I would have to say to go with the rubber band idea, but only because condoms have spermicide in them. Personally, I think it would look weird to the scientists that analyze your piss when they find some strange chemical in your urine. Then again, they may not find anything. Still, a rubber band seems the safest way.

[Falc]

I would have to say to go with the rubber band idea, but only because condoms have spermicide in them. Personally, I think it would look weird to the scientists that analyze your piss when they find some strange chemical in your urine. Then again, they may not find anything. Still, a rubber band seems the safest way.

Use non lubricated condom. Its basicly just a balloon.

[millerwhite]

BY FAR the best way to do this is:
Get fresh clean piss into a water bottle, strap it to the inside of your leg. Attach a heating patch to the bottle to keep it warm, and you should be ok.

[Falc]

BY FAR the best way to do this is:
Get fresh clean piss into a water bottle, strap it to the inside of your leg. Attach a heating patch to the bottle to keep it warm, and you should be ok.

You're gonna walk around with a water bottle on your leg? That would be incredibly easy to notice.

[banasrab]

Thanks for all the great advice guys, I think I've got everything mapped out now because of the awesome advice I've been given (by some of you).

Only one more question I'm still iffy about:
Do you think wearing two pairs of briefs and having the condom placed conveniently under my package will be enough to bring a realistic temperature into fruition?

[chemajor]

When I did it, I got the piss around 5 hours before I took my test. If you dont have a hand warmer, I suppose wearing 2 sets of briefs would be better than one. Although it's still nowhere near actual piss temperature. If you sit, sit cross-legged so your thighs can encompass it and keep it insulated.

[Frequency]

I agree with the chemical icy hot pack. Just put it on your thigh or something and it will keep it nice and warm.
As for the needle, hide it in the sole of your shoe or if you wear earrings use them to poke it.
Just please, don't let it explode and get pee on you aha.

[banasrab]

Yes, that's definitely the number one thing I'm worried about is keeping it from bursting.
Although it would be too funny the look on their face(s) as it appears I'm so scared I piss my pants before my test. The laughter would end there though, as I fuck up my chance of getting work here. Eh...

[millerwhite]

You're gonna walk around with a water bottle on your leg? That would be incredibly easy to notice.

Use a smaller water bottle than normal, and tape it high to your leg and no, its not easy to notice, ive done it. you haven't.

[Metameme]

Make sure to practice the condom and needle procedure before you go in. Use water in case you fuck up.

[banasrab]

OK, so I just got my piss sample. I could have the test anywhere from tomorrow until the end of this week. Does anyone know if it matters how old the piss sample is? I'm not sure if I should "re-up" or not before the test.

[Reverend Green]

How much piss in needed? If you've ever pissed in a condom, they stretch down farrrr. Like to the point it could rip, you'd have to duct tape it, is what I'm thinking.

[Dance Commander]

I just posted this on another thread:

I had to take a drug test to get a job once and just got my sister to pee in a cup for me.

I took the cup, poured it all into a condom and snuck it in.

While transporting it, I placed it in a mug of hot water incase they temp tested it (they do that to make sure you don't dilute it wih water) I wore boxer briefs and placed in on the inside of my leg to walk it in.

To open the condom I had some little scissors with me to cut a hole and dumped it in the test cup. Biting can lead to the condom pissing in your face!!! Plus if they do watch, its easier to act like your waiting for the stream to come while cutting a small hole.

when I was done, I just wrapped the condom up and toilet paper and put i in my pocket (since you can't flush)
Bring a napkin incase they are watching you

this works for any test where they aren't staring and you weiner. Its easy to pretend to whip out a condom and pretend its your penis

***the fresher the piss the better.

[robbiebudz]

dude dont bite it... ur friend pissed in it

[Pinkfloyd]

I had mine basically a fresh sample. Got it about 30 minutes before, and just threw it in my pair of boxer briefs i was wearing. I always brought this like mini little scissors that was from a grooming kit. That way you don't have to bite it, i actually can't believe you considered that.

[banasrab]

I had mine basically a fresh sample. Got it about 30 minutes before, and just threw it in my pair of boxer briefs i was wearing. I always brought this like mini little scissors that was from a grooming kit. That way you don't have to bite it, i actually can't believe you considered that.

Ha ha, right. Piss in the mouth doesn't sound like a good thing to have walking out of the bathroom on your dope test.

So as of now, I have a condom full of piss in a well-heated room. Yes, it is the same condom full of piss since the creation of this thread - no, I don't believe it would be cardinal sin to 're-up-'.

[jesusfish]

I would suggest getting another clean sample. Urine goes bad pretty quick when it's left out under heat. If you can, keep it somewhere cold like the refrigerator or outside if it's the appropriate climate.

I might also suggest using a visine bottle or something similar. It holds just about the minimum you need for a test and is a lot easier to handle than a condom.

[banasrab]

Where do you find a Visine bottle that big? I personally haven't seen one.